Your due date is approaching and as you finish the last touches of the nursery you can’t help but stop and daydream of what will come: you swaying back and forth in the rocking chair as your baby nurses peacefully. You look out the beautiful window near you and watch the trees rustle as the gentle wind dances along. And you can’t help but notice the sweet smell of food roasting away in the oven, not to mention your perfectly cleaned house, while awaiting your spouse’s return for a joyous peaceful evening and night……
NOT! It’s typically wishful thinking….
Of course, I am not trying to sound like being a new mother isn’t pleasurable and peaceful or somewhat close to the above scenario, because there are MANY moments of peace and joy and moments when your heart feels like it will burst because its overflowing with love; however, along with those warm moments there are quite of few of frustrations first-time moms may face. I’m sure second or third or fourth time moms feel it too, but they have ways of dealing with it that first time moms haven’t mastered yet.
I, for one, am a first time mom who is finally starting to get a handle of it. The frustrations are not geared at my little angel, but rather the emotions or circumstances of motherhood. So this is my take on things and my ways of how to cope and tips to manage those crazy frustrating moments….you know, the moment you just want to rip your hair out and scream??
- Everybody’s two cents
EVERYONE will always have an opinion. Ok, let me just take a moment and state the following: Opinions are NOT always bad. There is a lot that mothers can learn from one another, whether it be from a fellow first time mom or a mom of 7! Motherhood is a constant learning process. With that said, opinions can be overwhelming and overbearing for a first time mom. Especially when we are trying to get the hang of everything in OUR own way.
See, that’s the problem with people’s opinion, whether it be from friends, doctors or family, it can sometimes hinder rather than help! For example, let’s take a moment to chat about breastfeeding. Breast is best and that is common knowledge. However, not all methods are best for all mothers. The doctor at the maternity ward may tell you to nurse every 3 hours, on the dot, without fail, DO NOT FORGET!……. Pfff…. Yeah, well that was not true for me! It did not work because my little one needed the extra comfort and milk but did not want to wait 3 hours. So, what’s a mother to do in that situation? Nurse more. Yes, spoil the baby rotten with boobie time! I had to learn to let go of all the “restrictions” and set “schedules” aside and just simply- GO WITH THE FLOW. That’s what motherhood is all about. It isn’t limited to just breastfeeding, cause mothers who formula feed also go through similar frustrations.
Basically, no one knows YOUR baby more than YOU do. When everyone is yapping in your ear, just simply tune them out and go with YOUR own flow. Cause when everyone leaves, you will have to deal with your reality not them. I find that it’s good to nod and agree and take from it what you want- basically the passive way to deal with everyone’s take on everything! So it’s okay to throw the two cents aside and just do what you need to do.
- Clean up and Yummy time
So, you haven’t showered in three days, the dishes are piling up, dust is accumulating and your pots/pans have cobweb villages in them…ugh!!! …… Yes, I am sure many…and I mean MANY mommies have gone through this. I sure did, especially in the beginning when all I was focused on was making sure my baby was alive and happy… Well, until family starting criticizing or friends had something to say or your spouse showed disdain…. Then it got real….. real annoying. See, it isn’t always the single folks who criticize our time or lack thereof to clean and cook and play the role of Mary Poppins, it’s also the married friends and family and the ones with a bunch of kids or two. Criticism isn’t limited to certain people. It’s everywhere and everyone. So, although it’s great to live in a super clean house and have homemade dinner on the table every single evening, it’s also not reality for some mothers. What we forget is that every baby is different, therefore making it a different circumstance for the mother. While some mothers have babies who take their nap on time (and long ones) others do not. I had to learn the hard way and just put everything aside until I felt ready to get back into cookin’ and cleaning.
It may be cliché but I truly believe that dishes can wait and the cobwebs can wait- YOU are a new mom and that is tough enough. People underestimate how scary and tough it is to be new at mothering,
Yes, I am still a first time mom (my baby girl is a1 year old) but I believe there is a big difference between a 1-5 month old and a 1 year old. Trust me, a lot of it will be picked up quickly! But until then it can be very overwhelming. It is not worth getting frustrated at the dirty dishes and lose precious joyous moments with your new bundle. Some family and friends will critique, but many will offer to help.
So get the help when needed and don’t be afraid to communicate with your spouse…..take a deep breathe, clean when you can, cook when you can, but spend time and love on your little one at all times because it is true- time does fly by!
This journey of motherhood is at times bumpy but it is an amazing one. The frustrating times will be a distant memory when your bundle throws you their first smile or when he/she learns how to crawl or say “mama”/”dada”. Nothing will compare to that joy because you will be the proudest mother alive… along with the rest of us. Life is too short- hold your little one as long as you can and kiss them a million times a day because those are the wonderful moments of mommyhood.